Pizza In a Bag (A Truthful Satire)

Finally! Your dog will never decline food. 

“Aren’t you tired of mixing melted butter and whip cream with the dogs food to get it to eat?” Well, those days are over!

This will get your dog eating like it’s hungry, even when it’s not. Not even a little bit.

Remember the days of sitting at the dining room table with your child, forcing the emptying of the plate three times a day or “you’ll sit here until you do”? And the kid just wasn’t hungry?

Threats were good. Feeding cookies and cake was good. But letting the kid just choose how much she ate? No possible way. 

Of course you don’t. Forcing a kid to clean their plate when they’re not hungry made fat kids. I’m living testament.

Instead:

Find a food that your dog self-regulates. IMPORTANT: Find a food your dog has the ability to walk past when it’s NOT HUNGRY.

Note (with happiness) that picky dogs are either:

“A good weight. Like BCS4“

-or-

Unwell. 

This would make a good bumper sticker:

A picky dog with three ribs showing, is sick. A picky dog with no ribs showing is just fine.

https://drjohnson.com/bcs

More than forty years ago people didn’t take any crap off their dogs. Dogs were NOT our equals and we didn’t join THEIR pack. They were admitted to OUR pack and were absolutely expected to be respectful to us, or they were “sent to the farm”

Excessive Barking, Bad Behavior, And How to Avoid Alpha Dominance or Actual Control of The Dog

[Disclaimer: This article will be shocking to most people because it expects them to be dominant over their dog.]

If you find yourself saying “Oh no, he would bite me if I tried trimming his nails” –

You are NOT alpha to your dog.

Don’t take crap off your dog. Find an Alpha trainer (usually ex-military or extremely experienced) and use one.

One night I got up at 3 in the morning and before I knew it, Isabelle was across the floor to have-a-gnaw on my feet and my foot went under her as I stepped forward and scooped her across the floor and into the bedroom door. Bonk.

I wasn’t running. But, let’s face it: I might-as-well have kicked her. At least in her mind, I kicked her.

She instantly became the most obedient dog we ever had, and never gnawed a foot again.

NO she was not traumatized, fearful, punishment-trained or any of the PTSD that the trainers promise your dog will have from what happened. ## Furthermore I’ll reiterate it was an accident ##. But the trainers will assure you that the “punished” dogs will have lower self esteem, appreciate fine music less, become sociopaths and Narcissists, try to run away, fail in dog classes, badmouth you in therapy, and end up less creative than “Good” owner’s dogs.

Bull shit.

The rednecks had it right. Rednecks don’t take shit off their dogs. And it works.

Read the whole article here:

In nature: Altum scalare would form schools of individuals, dozens of them, just hanging in a gentle Amazon-current among tall plants like Valisneria – and the water was warm with a pH about 6.9-7.0 and tannin rich. And always, floating down the river to where they would congregate, there would be tiny insects and larve, copepods, daphnia – in vast amounts because well, it was the Amazon and it wasn't polluted. So, it was warm and the feed was constant, and tiny. So they eventually evolved into “not powerful” swimmers, mastering instead “motionless” and calorie conservation, compressed low-drag bodies and tiny mouths for pinpoint accuracy taking native copepods and rotifers, like Daphnia. 

Feed was constant in their natural world: Because warm water hastens metabolism, so that meant they had to be on the lookout for every tiny morsel of food.

BASICS OF ANGELFISH JOY: